On my way home...or should I say on my way back to from where I once came. Time seems to be in fast-forward and rewind. The hours strike, but my mind keeps seeing birds flying backwards, trucks moving in opposite directions. I've been coming in and out of sleep for what seems like days, but has only been minutes. Or maybe it's the opposite. Nothing is certain.
I'm gazing upon what seem to be endless clouds. It rained this morning; the perfect ending to an eventful weekend. Not hard rain, but soft, light rain; the kind that tickles your skin, leaving faint dew drop freckles.
We drove past these old, whithering, split in half trees, and I couldn't help but think I was staring at the inside of my mind. Vast amounts of trees, all black with age, with hollowed out branches and hollowed out trunks. Empty trees with empty ideas. It's hard to tell if they ever were in bloom at one point. But there is a bittersweet beauty about them. Planted among these rolling green hills that could very well be alive with the sound of music.
I realize that I haven't really looked at myself in a while.
Maybe I'm too loyal, maybe I just can't choose, but in any case, I'm now leading two separate lives, and it's starting to weigh heavily on my heart.
I can't even look into anyone's eyes anymore.
I'm afraid my life has started to become a work of fiction, and I'm trying to make it into a poem, where the end is the beginning and the beginning is the end, and everything in between echoes beauty and irony.
Amander and I almost missed the bus.
In the middle of nowhere.
With none of our possessions.
I can't stop thinking about how freeing that would have been.
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I think it speaks volumes about how different our perspectives are of the little things. You think that the rain was nice, but I thought that the rain was heavy and dirty. I felt like it was a cruel joke from God. Like She was kicking me when I was down...make it rain on one of the saddest days of my life.
I can't even imagine the mess that I would have been if I hadn't been able to travel with you. It was like slowing weening myself off happiness...like you escorted me from paradise.
I kept coming back from my fake sleep on the bus and I saw you looking out the window completely lost in thought. I wish that I could have been coherent enough to have heard more of your thoughts.
We missed the bus on purpose.
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