Perfect Situation

It's been a while since I've been here before.  I'm definitely wigging out.  I've been looking at colleges in California for hours now.  It makes me sick to even think about.

I can't tell if I'm freaking out by habit or because I'm actually scared.  Every year around this time, something devastating has happened.  Something where I had to change my life drastically and start over and look into something else.  But here I am in Ventura, just letting the days drop off till Wednesday when I leave for San Francisco, and then Sunday when I leave for Colorado.  It's all so simple this time around.  I'm not in jumbles.  I'm not applying to schools, figuring out classes, or wallowing in self-despair.  There's a plan, there's a course of action, all I have to do is follow it.  Just walk.  That's all I have to do.  I don't even have to run.  I could fucking crawl if I wanted to.  So why am I standing still?

I thought by week 2 I'd be aching to go back to Colorado.  I thought I would be counting down the days.

...Wait, what am I saying?  I have to do this.  This is what people do.  This is what Erin and Alex and Kait and all of my friends have done for the past 3 years.  They leave school, they come home, and then leave for school again.  That's how it is.  And I'm freaking out cuz I'm finally apart of that?  Life is suddenly easy for me, and I'm complaining?

Good lord, Aly Bennett.  Get over yourself.